Oral sex: not in the mood for a blowjob?
Oral sex – What used to be an eccentric sexual variant for many and is still forbidden in some places today is now part of the repertoire of attentive lovers in this country. He licks, she blows and the best thing at the same time. We only need to think of the popular position 69. However, we quickly find out that we can concentrate much better on giving and taking when only one is currently at work. But what if someone, in this special case ONE, makes no move to bring this erotic joy to their loved one?
The little difference between porn and reality
The porn shows it, after all, tongue exercises are practiced here until you drop. The focus is on the blowjob. As the women seem to like, licking the biggest cock around and putting it in their mouths as far as it will go. And then the cumshot! What a pleasure, the inclined viewer could think! Injected directly into the mouth, sperm seems to be the most delicious thing there is for a woman. It’s so great that they can be sprayed by many men at the same time. Don’t all women secretly dream of this? No, honestly not. So far, however, the possible wish. So there is a deep gap between porn and reality. But what does reality look like now? Do women want a blowjob on their own or not? And what can be the reason if you don’t feel like it?
He wants. Not you.
Women can actually be very hot for a blowjob – they enjoy it and determine themselves when and with whom they do it. To the dismay of a man, there is another way. It could look like this: Nothing he desires more than that she would finally put him – his best piece, his iron lance, his hard cock – in his mouth. He wishes so much that she gently embrace him with her lips, slide her tongue up and down and circle his glans. Oh, what would that be nice! On the other hand – it doesn’t. Don’t even make the smallest efforts. As a little clue he has already tried everything:
- He carefully pressed her head down.
- He wiggled his penis back and forth and put on the dog look.
- He licked her until his tongue fell out of his mouth like lifeless.
But nothing. Rien. Niente. No accommodating. But he doesn’t want to address it, that’s too embarrassing for him. Talking about sex? Oh God, just not.
You are not alone!
This situation actually occurs more often than a desperate man and the media-driven public could think. As already said, the blowjob seems to be common today and there are pages of great written instructions on the net. There shouldn’t be any problems anymore. But even the best instructions can’t do anything if they just don’t want to. But of course he doesn’t talk about it any more than any other man who doesn’t want anything more. And so it remains hidden that not every other man gets his blowjob after all, just not yourself. Too bad, because exactly this jealousy of other men can increase the frustration even more.
1. Hidden fears raise the inhibition threshold
But why doesn’t she want to? Well, as usual, there are lots of possible reasons. For example, she might just not know what to do. A blowjob like this is not as easy as a man imagines. And the fear of doing something wrong and embarrassing yourself is deep. We are different from you men. You rush forward and assume that we will like what you do. We, on the other hand, sometimes prefer not to start at all. Yeah, I know, of course not all men and women think that way. It gets really traumatic when a man says afterwards: “Baby, we’ll practice that again.” !!! Seriously, something like that happens, word of honor. Then, of course, a woman just got fed up and the next man wonders why his girlfriend doesn’t feel like a blowjob.
What can you do? Master makes practice. But first you have to find the beginning. If you enjoy it and are not entirely satisfied, I would suggest encouraging your partner to change direction and use gentler hand signals or words to act more smoothly, firmly – or whatever you want. Try positive reinforcement and tell her what she likes most about what she does. You can also do that in other situations. Praise encourages and makes you feel good.
2. Images in the head
It may also be that she saw how it went in porn before her first experience. According to a study by the UKE, 76% of the 16 to 19 year old girls interviewed have seen pornographic films or at least excerpts. And what men do with women there can be terrifying for a young woman. Because there it is not shown how the couple approaches each other, kisses, touches tenderly, slowly – or quickly – undresses. It is not shown
- how they look at each other.
- how they excite each other with their hands.
- how they feel about each other.
There is no love and no respect between the actors, just pure physicality. At least in the usual porn. There are certainly exceptions to this.
I like Petra Joy’s films, for example, because this is an attempt to bring emotion and respect into the actions. In conventional porn, women are mostly depicted as objects, reduced to the mouth, breasts and genitals. They are used. And these women do everything. It is not shown how they fight with the gag reflex or that they may be in pain. When I was allowed to watch a porn shoot once, the cumshot scene, i.e. the cumshot, became unusable because the main actress actually started to choke at the moment when the sperm hit her throat. You don’t see that otherwise. Oh, I’m lucky!
What can man do So make it clear to your wife / girlfriend that you are not the type from porn and that she has no role to fulfill. Tell her you would find it nice if she swallowed your sperm, but you would also be happy if she didn’t. Calm your partner down, talk to her or explain what she can do. Take an ice cream and playfully show her what you would like. Take it easy, laughter relaxed!
3. Equality promotes lust
And then it may be that a woman is a lot more experienced but doesn’t want to have a blowjob because she already feels inferior in the relationship. Or because she has had bad experiences. Then such a penis in the mouth can intensify this feeling. Especially when a man forcibly pushes his partner’s head down. This is only fun if both partners are in the relationship at eye level and enjoy playing with power and submission. Most others don’t like this gesture at all. And that’s why it’s an absolute no go!
What can man do First of all, trust must be created here. And that doesn’t start in bed, but in everyday life. Respect your partner, make her feel important and valuable to you. Wrap yourself in patience, don’t ask, but give first yourself. Because only those who come of their own free will develop their own desire to give. And please don’t forget: sex consists of more than oral and sexual intercourse. Tenderness is at least as important. And you can start very slowly and then increase.
4. The cleanliness thing
Last but not least, there are sometimes simply hygienic concerns behind reluctance. Don’t forget, such a penis spends a lot of time in its warm underpants. And then he is also the instrument for urination. That is why it is very clear: wash and care. Today everything has to be completely clean anyway. And you men yourself know what it looks like after a long day under your foreskin. So if you have one. Conversely, of course, I also hear from men that when they lick, they want a clean vulva that smells nice and fresh of the partner.
What can you do? Go take a shower together! Soap each other and have fun together! Clichéd spreading with cream, chocolate cream or other delicacies not only brings the taste buds to jubilation, it also takes the whole thing a little seriously. And that is not always useful for good sex.
A blowjob is really a very sensitive topic and women need a lot of trust in the partner, especially at the beginning. It’s not just about the right technique, it’s also about self-esteem. For the first time, they are deeply imprinted on our minds and decide on hop or top. Do we do it again or do we prefer to leave it? Don’t push and don’t be pushed. Wait until the time is right. Talk about your desires and fears. And try to take your fears away with a bit of humor. Nobody dies if things don’t go so well.